Police Academy 8: Lava Spiders?

Tag line doesn’t make sense…but who cares? It’s Awesome!

 

That’s right move over Sharknado, there’s a new hybrid creature/natural disaster ridiculous high concept film in town. This film goes by the just as amazingly convoluted name Lavalantula.  According to the SYFY channel last week, Lavalantula will be their new creature film coming to us sometime in the year 2015. Normally the title and movie poster alone would get the fans interested and ready for such a film but oh no there’s more.  The film will take part as the closet thing to a Police Academy  Reunion the world is ever going to see.  That’s right, the film will have there action hero in the form of Steve Guttenberg! However that’s not all, the film will also co-star Police Academy alumni Leslie Easterbrook, and the man of a thousand voices, Michael Winslow.

Our Hero Ladies and Gentlemen!

 

The summary of the film so far is as simple as you can get:A group of giant lava spitting tarantulas will burst out of an ancient set of volcanoes in the middle of the Santa Monica Mountains, and wreck havoc in down town Los Angeles and it’ll be up to our cast of Police Academy cadets to save the day.

 

While this movie does sound dumb, it does have a saving grace. Director Mike Mendez of Big Ass Spider! (2013) fame is in charge of this production. Clearly this film is on the nose and going to be a comedy, and Mendez will be in his element there. The film is to be released this upcoming summer and I on hand can’t wait for this film to be released. I just hope Michael Winslow will use his amazing powers of voices to defeat the giant killer lava-spewing spiders.

Hopefully this will be the next Sharknado…and I actually mean that as a compliment.

 

images the property of The SYFY Channel

Ninja Apocalypse Review

 

Ever wondered what would happen after the world ended with a nuclear holocaust? Did you ever imagine it would have mutated ninjas, zombies, and ruled over by Shang Tsung? No? Well that’s how the film Ninja Apocalypse sees it.

The story is a hodge podge of other films/video-games blended together and added just a pinch of ninja action. It’s like watching The Warriors, in the Fallout landscape, with a dash of Star Wars dynamic just for good measure.  Oh heck let’s throw in a Surf Ninja cameo for good measure. So basically our heroes are framed for a murder they didn’t commit, must battle there way out of the situation using only their kung-fu skills  and the their powers to shoot lighting bolts from their hands. Yes, you heard right, they can conduct electricity with their minds.

CAN YOU DIG IT!!?

The special effects for this film are up to par for such a very low budget production. The acting is very hit or miss especially with our lead hero of the film. Apparently the greatest master ninja of all time…is just some white guy. This film is  very Pierre Kirby-esque when it comes to the choice of the actors. While the acting is lackluster the fight scenes’ choreography is nicely done. It is truly the highlight of this film. The whole time you wish there was just more of that than the actors trying to have an emotional scene.

Laser Swords?…seems familiar.

All in all Ninja Apocalypse delivers on both words in its title; it has ninjas and there was in fact an apocalypse.For an low budget feature it is actually above some more bigger blockbuster feature films, ( I’m looking at you Ninja Assassin). If you are a fan of old kung-fu films from the 70s then this film is right up your alley. Bad acting, decent special effects, and kick ass ninja brawls, what more could you ask for? Well yes better script, less filler scenes and more Ernie Reyes Jr, but that’s just nit picking.

 

Actual Rating: 3 out of 10

Enjoyability Rating: 6 out of 10 

All images are the property of  Naedomi Media

RiffTrax vs Anaconda

 

 

That’s right the fellows from Rifftrax are back with another creature feature riffing. They recently finished taking on Godzilla now they are up for much bigger prey…JLO’s butt…er I mean the film Anaconda.  Come watch it live in theaters as they rip apart and make fun of this late 90s snake film. This film has it all: boats in the amazon, Owen Wilson looking confused, John Voight acting crazy, obvious CGI/puppet snakes, and Ice Cube saying ” Oh hell no!”

 

For those not familiar with this movie here is the plot summary:

“When a documentary crew traveling through the Amazon jungle, picks up a stranded man, they are unaware of the trouble that will occur. This stranger’s hobby is to capture the giant Anaconda snake, and plans to continue targeting it on their boat, by any means necessary.” – FilmFanUk 

Do not miss this awesome live event only appearing in theaters October 30th and with an encore viewing on November 4th. Tickets available now at  the Fandango website and your local theaters. Well what are you waiting for? Go order now! And in case you are still on the fence here is  a taste of what you’ll be missing.

 

 

 

 

Art is the property of RocketPop

Promotion ad is the property of Rifftrax

Anaconda is the property of  Colombia  Pictures

 

Sharknado Review

 

Behold the powers of photoshopping Sharks in a Tornado!

What happens when you get a former bankable actress, the 4th most memorable 90210 actor, and throw them to the sharks that work at the Asylum? You get somehow the profitable film that is Sharknado.

Sharknado is like any other B-movie disaster film…only with sharks. This means it comes with the same trope characters. You got the dead beat dad (Ian Ziering), the annoyed ex-wife (Tara Reid), the kids that don’t listen, the wacky accented side-kick, and the one actor you not sure is really acting ( John Heard). Not to mention all the pointless extras to be cannon fodder to the sharks falling out of the sky.

 

Holy Depth Perception Sharknado!

Sharknado is a film that is not only terrible…it’s self-aware of it. So self aware that the film continues to up the scales of the ridiculous factor. Runaway Ferris wheels, sharks in flying out of sewers, Tara Reid trying to show emotion, it has it all.

There’s jumping the shark…and then there’s jumping inside a shark with a chainsaw.

All in all Sharknado is just a ridiculous concept that is also just dumb enough to be awesome. The CGI is goofy, the acting full of ham, and the gore is over the top. You’ll be rolling your eyes and laughing at the same time. It truly is so bad that it’s good.

Actual Rating : 4 out of 10

Enjoyability Rating : 6 out of 10

Video From: CinexisBlog

All Footage is the Property of the Asylum & SYFY Channel

Leprechaun Review

Nothing scarier than a ginger dwarf in stockings…wait what?

What is Jennifer Aniston’s best movie? Could it be Leprechaun? Most people would say no. I mean who really enjoys watching a little man run around biting and scratching people?

 

Does she look good with a gun or what?

In this horror film turned comedy a leprechaun is killing people off because he wants his gold back. But the way he does it is what makes this movie better than it should be.

The gore is fake and the acting could be better. The way the leprechauns make up is used will make the most scared person laugh. The way the creators of the film too a child hood character and made him “scary” makes the film so amazingly bad that it is great.

Aww adorable…er I mean terrifying.

I don’t think I have ever seen gore so fake. When they get injured there isn’t any cut or anything, just blood where they were injured.

I think the best part of the movie might be the end when the leprechaun gets defeated by a four-leaf clover shot into his mouth by a slingshot. The death is so hilariously tragic and dramatic that you cant help but laugh.

In all if you want to be entertained by a movie that was supposed to be a horror film but isn’t, this is the movie to watch. The hilarity of the horror is almost not comparable to anything else.

Actual scale: 4 of 10

Enjoyability scale: 7 of 10

 

 

All photos and videos belong to Trimark Pictures

The Room Review

His face couldn’t look better

What happens when you make a movie with an extremely low budget, actors who aren’t that great and a drama that has some how turned into a comedy of sorts?

You get this hilariously horrible movie by the name of The Room. With its tacky writing this movie somehow went from a romantic drama to a comedy with a cult like following.

There is absolutely no depth to the main character of Johnny, played by Tommy Wiseau, but somehow by the end of the movie the viewer has fallen in love with him. None of the characters are even that good looking but somehow for this movie it all works.

The movie it self might not be too good but there is a bright side. You won’t leave this movie wondering why you ever went. The movie is awesomely horrid. You will laugh the whole way through the movie wondering how a movie that was supposed to be so serious could end up so funny.

The movie is almost like a car wreck, you don’t really want to look but it’s hard to turn away. The sex scenes are so bad that sometimes you wonder who thought it up and if they were trying to make some sort of porno. But this just makes the film more hilarious than it should.

Three way?
Nope just awkward

In all the film isn’t truly any good, however it will entertain you. By the end you wont know why you are laughing but you will be.

Actual rating: 3 of 10

Enjoyability rating: 8 of 10

All photos and videos belong to Wiseau Films.